Money is one of the most important parts of building a life together, yet it's something many couples don't talk about openly. You don't have to combine every account or agree on every purchase to be financially successful as a couple. But a few things can make a big difference and in my experience personal finance is more fun when playing in "two player mode".
1. Be open about your finances.
Both partners should understand the household's financial position - income, assets, debts, and liabilities. You can't make informed decisions together if you're not working with the same information. Financial secrets are entertaining on Caleb Hammer's show, but not so fun when you're a participant.
2. Talk about the life you want to build.
What are your goals and priorities? Do you want to buy a house, have kids, travel, or retire early? When? Big goals often require big money, so you need to discuss how you'll fund them. You don't need identical goals, but you do need to reconcile competing priorities. If one partner wants a beach house while the other prioritizes retirement savings, that could become a source of conflict if you haven't talked about it.
3. Work as a team.
Couples who pool their finances can experience better outcomes. Treating money as a shared resource can help you work toward common goals rather than managing two separate financial lives. The goal isn't necessarily to combine every account, but to coordinate decisions and work together. (aka: "two-player mode!")
4. Make it easy to stay on the same page.
Often, one person takes the lead on managing the money. That's fine, but both partners should have visibility into the household's finances. A platform like Monarch Money (this is what I use) brings accounts together in one place, making it easier for both partners to understand their financial position, even if only one handles the day-to-day management.
5. Keep the conversation going.
Your goals and circumstances will change. Make time to review your finances, discuss upcoming expenses, and check your progress. Money conversations should be an ongoing habit, not something you only have when there's a problem! If you only talk about money in times of stress, money will always be stressful!
Ultimately, the purpose of money isn't just to have money. It's to help you achieve your goals and build the life you want. As a couple, that means understanding what matters to each of you, finding common ground, and working together to make it happen.
Of course, all of this is easier said than done.
Before getting married, I remember someone telling me, "Marriage takes work, and you need to keep working on it." At the time, that sounded strange. Shouldn't marriage be easy? If it takes work, does that mean something is broken?
I've come to appreciate that putting in the work doesn't mean something is wrong. Work means investing in something important - health, fitness, finances, and relationships all take work!
Conversations about finances, priorities, and competing goals can be uncomfortable. It's often easier to avoid them than work through disagreements. But taking the time to understand each other and find common ground can build a stronger relationship over the long term.
Your challenge: Take some time this week to reflect on how you and your partner manage money. Are you aligned on your finances and goals? Is your current system working for both of you? Then, start a conversation. Pick one thing you could improve and work on it together. Find a solution together. Your relationship, and your financial future, will be better for it.